Baby steps

I am still working on my Gentlemen I have Known series.  It is going well, but I can’t get around to posting any of it because of intervening events: my mother’s birthday, my daughter was sick yesterday, and because one my of soul sisters is having a hard time, and I have needed to spend every free minute comforting her.  Actually there have been two crises, but one worked itself out during a walk at a brisk clip around the Gun Club Road, aka the koa.  It is amazing what walking so fast that you’re out of breath and sometimes running up the hills can do for a bad mood.

You all know about my amazing mother and her birthday from yesterday’s corner-brightening post.  But you don’t all know about my friend’s hard time.  I’m not going to go into the details here on the internet, but if you want to call me, I will fill you in.  Suffice it to say that someone in my immediate circle who doesn’t know how to utter the word “no” and who has never met someone she doesn’t want to help in whatever capacity they need her to has been met with a personal crisis.

I have tried to be there for her every step of the way offering my gift for tough love that I inherited from my mother.  I don’t know if my friend’s tears were from her personal crisis or from my lectures (strictly from a place of great love, I assure you), but there have been some tears.  And some tough love and some interventions.  Not just from me!  Lots of admonitions that “you are just perfect and anyone who can’t see that is crazy.” and “since when do we allow other people to define who we are?”

But I don’t know that I am getting through to her.  So two days ago I did what any good friend would do – I left my “just who’s in charge here?” boots outside her front door.  She didn’t wear them.  And thus, spent much of the day not convinced that it was she who was really in charge.

So yesterday, Anna started the day (in my bed, of course) coughing like a barking seal, and I kept her home from school.  By 8:30 a.m., she was asking what we were going to do for fun today, and I did have some errands to run, so I thought that she could rest just as easily in the car as she could in bed, and off we went.  We ended up at Mr. Boots, and I called my dear friend to implore her to meet us there.  I wanted her to try on some tough, pretty boots so that she could imagine what it’s like to take your power back.

I swear it wasn’t my intent to cause her to spend lots of money (Houston!), and she didn’t.  But she did start warming up to the idea of a pair of cowboygirl boots to round out her shoe wardrobe.  There is just something powerful about a pair of pretty boots.  For one thing, you are immediately two inches taller, which is always helpful.  And your feet feel heavy.  You are grounded and one with the earth, also known as the center of the universe.  In fact, you might just be the center of the universe when you’re wearing the right boots.

I have found that the right pair of boots just transforms one’s whole sense of self and  your knowledge of who is going to define you and who will be allowed to push you around.  It all changes when you have on the right pair of boots, and suddenly there can be no question of just who is in charge here.

My dear friend didn’t buy any boots yesterday, but she did try some on and walk around in them.  She looked at the different styls and colors, she compared prices, she thought about what she might wear them with (a short skirt, naturally – talk about taking your power back!), and she started to see herself as less of a victim and more of a winner in this scenario.  Boots can’t solve all your problems (um, especially the financial ones once you become hooked like I am), but they are definitely two steps in the right direction.

Do these boots say “Texas Independence?”

Shoes determine one’s attitude. 

This is an eternal truth.

One’s attitude determines one’s actions.  Also a known fact.

This is why I needed some bad-a$$ cowboy boots.  It’s not very ladylike to curse in one’s blog, but being ladylike only goes so far (in my experience), and sometimes you need some “made for walking” cowboy boots.  Especially if you have just agreed in writing to live the rest of your natural life in Texas. 

One pair should be weathered brown leather with beautiful blue, pink, green and red embroidered flowers and designs.  They say “I am sweet and pretty and feminine, but if I have to, I can kick your, well – you know.”  They might also say “I keep a getaway horse fully tacked and ready to ride off into the sunset, should it become necessary.  or even just desirable”

The second pair should be dressy and slick.  In patent leather, maybe.  Black and shiny.  These say “you can take me anywhere and heads will turn.”  They can be worn with a cocktail dress and a cascade of pearls.  Maybe even some patterned tights.  Or fishnets.  Which aren’t just for streetwalkers anymore.  They are even sold at Target and everyone knows that Target is a high-end discount store.  No hose for hos at Le Tarzhay.

I think it’s time I settle into being fully Texan and tough.  By way of Mississippi, which explains my softer, sweeter side.  Luckily, these two pairs of attitude encompass it all.