Archive | August, 2010

At your Service

16 Aug

If I could market this skill, I would be rich.

At some point in the near-distant past, I observed a friend saddened and frustrated over a quarrel with her husband, which now seemed destined to ruin the rest of the day as they had left each other with a mutual “well, okay, FINE THEN,”  as they parted ways.  My friend was so irritated with him and his selfish ways that she had almost decided to get a hotel room for herself to avoid having to speak to him for the rest of the day.  Unfortunately, she needed him to help her move a large and heavy piece of furniture.

He had already sent her a text message apologizing for his rash statements and selfish behavior, but she couldn’t bring herself to forgive him or even communicate with him. But she needed him for this errand.  What to do?

This is where I put my considerable skills in technology and apologizing to use.  I simply took her phone, typed out a loving and heartfelt apology in response and asked ever-so-sweetly if we could just have a do-over on this morning and make a fresh start of the weekend?  Posing as her, of course.  That way, she didn’t re-ignite the smoldering fury that threatened their union as it hovered just below the surface.

You see, I had nothing invested, no sarcasm, no anger, no hostility, nothing but good wishes for this fellow and his wife.  I have been married, so I know all about arguments.  Especially arguments about Saturdays and free time and children and errands and heavy furniture-lifting and who-does-more.  Those can get out of hand quickly.  It would be unreasonable to expect my lovely friend to warm back up to her spouse after such an insulting argument, but I? I was able to be sweet and conciliatory.

I am happy to report that all is once again rosy in their marital home, and the big piece of furniture was safely transported.  I should be paid for this.


I don’t even like short stories, but this? beautiful.

14 Aug

And he discovered, much as he’d suspected, that once life caught up with you, you could never quite shake it again.  It endeavored to hobble you with greater and greater frequency.  How you managed to remain upright became your style, who you were.

– “The Train of their Departure”

David Bezmogis; The New Yorker: August 9, 2010

Every day I write the book.

12 Aug

I have a great idea for a book.  I am putting it in this blog so that if you steal my idea, I will have a record that it was my idea, and then I will sue you.  that’s just how attorneys think.  We document, document, document and think of everything in terms of what evidence exists.  A friend of mine, who testifies frequently as an expert witness said “the facts are what the court decides they are.”  Anyway, the facts here are that I am going to write a book and call it “Love Letters from Jail.”

Love Letters from Jail will certainly contain the letter I read the other day from a jailbird to the lady he done wrong by beating the heck out of her. I don’t know why I haven’t thought of this before now.  I have 11 years of truth-is-stranger-than-fiction facts to work with.